You’re getting fat

You're getting fat

In a recent conversation, an insensitive person told me the four dreaded words: Megan, you’re getting fat! As I clenched my lips, wondering how to respond, cursing the fuck out of this person in my head, I wondered why certain individuals felt the need to comment on another person’s weight? I live in my body, I’m fully aware of my weight. I don’t need a body shamer/troll reminding me of my weight.

It took every ounce, every bit of self-control not to respond rudely. But as walked away from a dull and lifeless conversation, I wondered why we feel obligated to comment on another person’s weight? Body shamers are not only trolls on the internet, hiding behind their private accounts. Body shamers are all among us, and quite frankly, I’m sick of them!

We live in a society where we’re bombarded with messages through mainstream media, telling us that skinnier/leaner people are much happier and healthier. This is NOT true. A few years back, I lost +-11kgs, I was still unhappy and unsatisfied with my body. Every time someone saw me, they would comment on how great I looked, asking me how I lost the weight (my story was featured in the Women’s Health magazine). I often wondered why people would only compliment me when I lost weight. Gosh, was I that unattractive before, I wondered? Prior to the weight loss, body shamers constantly felt the need to make hurtful comments about my body – most of them did it unintentionally, but it still hurt. I ALREADY felt uncomfortable in my body and the comments I received didn’t make me feel any better. Fast forward to 2018, I probably gained back 8 kgs and more body confidence. It was after the “Megan, you’re getting fat” comment that made me wonder, why do we do this to each other?

The definition of body shaming is the practice of making critical, potentially humiliating comments about a person’s body size or weight. An example of body shaming is telling someone that they are “too fat.” An example of body shaming is when thin women are told they are “too skinny.”

I’ve witnessed body shaming in all forms, from women/men shaming their own bodies to asking why another has gained so much weight (since when did it become anyone’s business). Over the last few years, my body confidence has grown tremendously. When someone makes a comment about my body now, it doesn’t bother me as much as it did in the past. But I know this isn’t the case for everyone. Many women and men may be offended or hurt by a body shaming comment.

A few years ago, when I was at my heaviest, my mom and I were spending time in the kitchen. She gently told me, “Megan, I want you to live your best life. I don’t ever want you to suffer from premature illnesses like high blood pressure or dietetics. Please look after yourself my darling, and make sure you honour your body.” Now that is the type of feedback I value! Don’t the fuck tell me I’m getting fat, rather invite me on a hike or tell me you’re concerned about my health. But please, stop saying “you’re getting fat”! This makes me all kinds of angry because being overweight is no indication of how fit I am.

So what’s wrong with saying “you’re getting fat”?

Simply put, it’s quite rude and insensitive. You may unknowingly apply that the person is unattractive. An individuals weight can also be tied to their self-worth, and it you say something offensive, a lot of damage can be done through the process.

If you are concerned about a person’s weight, encourage them to look after their health. Be mindful of the things you say, the emphasis should be placed on being healthy, not a certain size.

To me, body positivity means accepting the body you have as well as the changes in shape, size, and ability it may undergo due to nature, age, or your own personal choices throughout your lifetime. It’s the understanding that your worth and what’s going on with you physically are two separate entities — that no matter what’s happening inside, outside, or to your body, you’re still just as worthwhile as the person next to you. – Mallorie Dunn

Let’s celebrate, accept and love women and men of all shapes and sizes.

You're getting fat

I love my body as is and I’m striving to be healthy, not a certain size!  

I’d like to know from you: has anyone ever made a comment about your weight? How did you respond to it?

Love and light,

Megan

P.S I’m not angry anymore.

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24 Discussion to this post

  1. Dhanusha says:

    I’m told I’m too thin or too skinny. I struggle because I want to gain weight but I’m happy with my body as is. It’s really no ones business. Great post.

  2. Lauren Kim says:

    Amen!
    Well said. No one knows the journey you have walked or are walking and that this may influence your physical being and even more your emotional well being. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
    You are beautiful and there is NO ONE like you.
    Biggest hug and well done for standing your ground.

    • Thank you Lauren! You are absolutely right, no knows the reason you may have gained the weight or lacked physical activity. I would love to live in a society where we are ALL accepted and celebrated for our bodies.

  3. Carla says:

    I have gained a few kilos as the years have progressed but my husband finds me even more attractive now than he did 10 years ago. He says I’m more sexy and a lot more confident. I find I’m actually my biggest critic constantly lamenting the loss of my once small waist but I realised that my body has to change as I get older and I realised that it is all in your confidence.
    So now when people say “wow you’ve gotten fat over the years” my reply is “thanks! Its because I live such a GOOD life”
    I’ve stopped giving a damn and I choose to be healthy for ME
    Thanks Megan

    • Your husband is everything! I definitely think the belly dancing helps with the body confidence (I will always be grateful for my time with Hip Fusion).

      LOL – I love your response! And well done on being healthy for you. After all, a healthy body does not come in a certain size.

  4. Ugh I can’t bloody stand this. Also, it implies that fat women can’t be beautiful which I think is ridiculous! Why should weight be anyone else’s business anyway! You are gorgeous!

  5. Yip i am one of the THIN ones , asked a million times don’t i eat , etc etc – Blady annoying to be honest! I never say to anyone , who you gain weight or you looking porky! Its Rude no matter what you weigh – A friend and I both have the same problems but are on opposite sides of the scale – http://www.cafecouch.co.za/pages/16228/mulling-it-over-with-mel ( you can find her on my website under ANGELIQUE)

  6. Celeste Stewart says:

    Hi Megan

    My blood is boiling reading this. Firstly, who said this to you because you know, I’m the crazy older sister. Don’t worry, I’ll sort them out.

    Secondly, I agree with you, it’s so rude and insensitive. When I see you I see a strong, resilient woman who has really thrived through some shitty experiences. I see a woman who is taking the blogging world by storm. I see an influencer who has taught herself everything she knows. I see a woman who is a quiet leader and who stands up for introverts. I see someone who cares very deeply about others. I see a loving sister and a crazy, cool aunt who is loved so much by her equally crazy cool nephews.

    I guess the moral of the story is that we choose what we want to see in others and if we see bad or feel the need to criticize, it says more about us than it does the other person. The person who said these words to you feels really shit about themselves and so they feel they have the licence to comment on others’ body weight. Not saying it’s right, just providing some context.

    On a more positive note, feel all the love coming your way from everyone responding on your blog. You’re fucking awesome!!! Never forget that.

    • Ha ha ha! Someone I bumped into who felt the need to comment about my weight.

      (Someone pass the tissues)

      Thank you for the beautiful message sis! I fully agree, we project how we feel about ourselves on others.

      Love you <3

  7. Loren says:

    Lovvvvve this post and so grateful for your transparency. My mum use to be the one that watched my weight, commented on how fat I’m going to be if I don’t stop eating junk but yet she was the one buying me chocolates and cookies. I guess, she didn’t know better but didn’t want me to gain weight and then face the various challenges that comes with it. Whatever her reason, I chose to see it as love. However… it had a huge negative effect on me in my teen years. And still today I am annoyed when people point out my double chin, chicks and tummy. But, I do my best to brush it off. At times tho, the words “have you seen yourself lately”, would slip out. We don’t realise we bring the worst out of each other when we careless and insensitive.

    Xx

    • Thank you for sharing your story Loren! We always have to be careful of the words we say to each other, either we build or break and these words carry so much power.

      Lets use our words to empower each other!

  8. Natalie says:

    So well said, gosh it makes me furious that people can think its any of their business to tell me what I already know. Yes, I am honestly not happy with my weight gain but its my work in progress, my weight gain and heck, I am over 40 dammit. I started weightlifting a couple of months ago and I am my strongest ever and there is this new appreciation for my body because underneath my self indulgent layers is a very strong muscular body. so yes, I have a couple of kilos to lose but heck man, I am strong and I am fitter than I have ever been and that feels great.I am very proud of what my body can do. So don’t judge the outside folks.

    • I’m so proud of you! Always see you weightlifting and think, “damn looks at Nats, living her best life”. Well done to you for speaking so highly of your body, thats one of the best gifts you can give your daughter!

  9. Anthea says:

    Such a powerful article Megan! You are a gorgeous woman and your curves are luscious. I love the confidence and self-assuredness you exude in your pics. Please don’t ever lose that.

  10. Andiswa says:

    Hi Megan, really love this article. I guess as humans we have a very long way to accept each other in any shape, size and form. However, there’s hope and we are not that doomed as yet, because there are people like you who won’t stand for it and help many of us aware of this and how to respond in the future.

    I’m a personal level I faced more judgement and insults than just being told “you are fat”. However today I choose not dwell on those insults and judgements and give them power by mentioning them, as they don’t add value in my life right now. To answer you on how I dealt or responded to it; I simply chose to confront each person by asking them questions to understand where they were coming from. More often than not, I found that most of the people that did that to me, it absolutely had nothing to do with me but everything to do with them and their struggles in life so they found it easier to project that on me – so no to deal with themselves. The last one I confronted told me “ooh no you go it wrong, I was saying you are beautiful”. Well that explains her psychological state of mind and many things related to her questionable mental state. So I realised that some do it unintentionally not expecting to be confronted as they see nothing wrong with the abuse they spew to others. A simple response of ‘how does my fatness affect you?’ Will tell you a lot about the person.

    Power therefore, is sending a message to the universe that enough is enough and you won’t take it anymore. And you will see the universe responding in kind – and this post is exactly that – thank you. Don’t give people the power they so seek and validate their worthless poor thinking.

    • Hello Andiswa,

      Thank you so much for your feedback/comment. I remember us having a similar conversation last year about people making rude/insensitive comments about weight. I also spoke to Celeste and many other ladies about this subject over the last few days, and I realized that the comments have nothing to do with me, but everything to do with them (just like you said). They are actually projecting their insecurities on me.

      Thank you again for the feedback and your wise insight! Through these blog posts, we can bring awareness to the dialogue and hopefully, make people aware of their words. Let’s change the conversation!

  11. Lalannie Knoll says:

    Such a real and honest post. Thank you!
    When I look at you, I see confident and sassy.
    I’m glad you are no longer angry because then you give that person power over you. And quite frankly, they are not worth it.
    I hate it when people feel inclined to comment on ones life or life choices… we should just respect each other’s journey and the world will be such a better place.
    You do you!!

    • Thank you for your feedback Lalannie! When I started writing this blog post, I was really angry, but as I finished (writing/journaling helps me), I realized that I needed to let go of the anger. The aim of this blog post was to raise awareness, and let other people how that making comments (in a hurtful manner) about someone’s weight is not acceptable. Let’s use our words to encourage and build each other up, instead of breaking each other down.

  12. Portia Gamildien says:

    I know how you feel, I’m married with no kids. I’m reminded regularly of how skinny I am or about my small boobs. I have tried my utmost to gain weight, but it disappears again after a while. I’m not very tall, so my skinny legs suit my body. Well, I’ve now accepted my body (which I’ve always loved) and will no longer allow stupid comments to affect me. Whats important to me is that I’m healthy and happy. Some people just feel the need yo be nasty so they can feel better about themselves. I pity them. I’ve never been bothered by others’ weight, clothes and how they wear it. I prefer to have a deeper bond/relationship with people and to connect on a more intellectual and spriritual level.
    Keep on encouraging people with your posts and be encouraged by the lives you touch!! ☺

    • Hi Portia,

      Thank you so much for opening up and sharing your story. I’m really sorry for the nasty comments that came your way, people can be very insensitive at times. I believe that people project how they feel onto others, so if you not feeling good/confident inside, you not going to have anything nice to say to others.

      Our role is to love ourselves and body in such a way that makes others want to make the same. Let’s continue to spread the body positive message, hopefully, it will spread like wildfire.

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